Tag Archives: complaints

Shedding Skin & Starting Over

Prompted by a thread started over at PaganSpace, I got thinking about the possibility of starting over.

Not just a new blog, new screen names, new Facebook, but a whole new life.

Have you ever had the urge to just drop everything, pick up what’s precious to you, and run away?  Start over somewhere fresh, where no one knows you, no one has ties to you, and your former life as ‘nobody’ doesn’t apply?

Have you ever felt like you were playing an extra in the film of you own life?

I have to say that I absolutely have felt that way on a multitude of occasions.  Sometimes life isn’t what you expected it to be.  Things didn’t turn out the way they were supposed to when you planned them.  Sometimes, the only logical thing to do is to just leave, and try again where you don’t have the stigma of who people think you are hanging over your head.

It’s not logical, obviously.  We have families and lovers and friends and jobs and pets.

But if you wouldn’t hurt anyone by leaving, would you?  Would you start a new life somewhere else, where you could be someone else?

I would.  Hell, maybe when I’m not poor anymore, I will.  Who knows.

Anyway, just some food for thought.  <3

Maybe someday, I’ll actually write about writing again.

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Filed under Life

I hate self-evaluation

“Once the Queen is dead, the king is useless.”

“… What’s that about?”

“I dunno… Maybe he’s too depressed to fight.  He really loved her, you know.”

Mm… chess references and movie quotes.

So, I’ve been flying through lessons at TFA.  I’m about to start Wicca 1, lesson 4.  I’m on Scrying 1, lesson 2 (I don’t put much into divination, but I figured it would round me out a little bit).  And I’m about to start Tools 1, lesson 2 (Which is easy, since I’ve been through it three times in other classes).

Lesson 3 of Wicca 1 was a little difficult for me to face, honestly.  It was a lesson in the elements and the Four Rooms.

Here’s a quick lesson in The Four Rooms:

You separate yourself into four parts, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  Each part has a ‘room’ associated with it (which seems a little unnecessary to me).

“Our existence is divided up into four areas, or four rooms, if you will. Imagine that you live in a big house with four rooms. Your house includes: 1) a large, green kitchen with a small garden off of the side; 2) a bright yellow living room with a large, private balcony, 3) a luxurious, blue bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub; and 4) a cozy, red bedroom with a fireplace (do not forget the king-sized bed). Each of the four elements corresponds with one of these rooms, and each of these rooms corresponds with a part of you.”

~ Firefly: Wiccan Advancement by Iris Firemoon

The kitchen is the physical and associated with Earth, the living room is the mental and associated with Air, the bathroom is emotional and associated with Water, and the bedroom is spiritual and associated with Fire.

The exercise was to divide yourself into these four “rooms” and give a brief evaluation of the state of yourself in each.

Physically, I’m out of shape, I eat like crap, and I sleep more than I should.

Mentally, my writing is getting done, so I guess that’s an upside.

Emotionally, I’m 25, single, and watching all of my friends get married and start families.  I feel like crap.  Blah.

Spiritually, I’m connecting with my religion again, my writing is getting done, but I’m still stuck in the ‘love myself before I can appropriately love others’ conundrum.

So… I really don’t know if this exercise was made to make the student feel like crap enough to recognize that change is necessary, or to just understand the material, but holy fucking downer, Batman.

But.  This is nothing an over-consumption of caffeine won’t temporarily fix.

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Filed under Life, Paganism

New Projects and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts

So, I mentioned in my FFT post that I was planning a new on-going project, just to kill time and keep my brain from exploding.  I love my WiP, and writing Z, Gage, and Periss is hilarious and amazing, but I’ve been getting the itch for something new.  I do that so often, it’s retarded.  I have fiction ADD.  I think I need a support group.

Anyway, I’ve decided on a fantasy theme, a blend of modern America and kind of an Alexander the Great-era Middle East.  I don’t know quite how I’m going to pull it off yet, but I’m working on it.

And names.  I used to love naming characters, now I friggin’ hate it.  It was my favorite part, and somehow it’s gotten to be a part of the process that makes me beat my head against my desk.  I have three characters that need names, and I’m dreading it.

I do have a basic plot outline, though.  I’ll flesh it out a little more tomorrow, and I’ll steal a little freedom from my main WiP for awhile.

On a weird side note… everyone in my state is a jerk.  I read things about other people, and their experiences on their blogs or Facebook accounts, or… you know, whatever… and I’m like “WOW, that would not fly in Massachusetts!”  People are such raging douche bags here.  I mean, I’m an asshole to the core.  No joke.  But I SMILE at people in public, because it’s a courteous thing to do.  I hold doors for people, because I know I feel all “Kit SMASH!” when I’m inches behind someone and a door shuts in my face.

Common.  Courtesy.  Seriously.  Who raised these people?

There’s a time and a place to be an asshole.  It’s usually with my friends… who are equally brutal, sarcastic, and all-around-dicks.  We mesh well.  But I can conduct myself in public!  Why can’t the rest of the people in this Hell-washed state?

Pft.  Rant over.  Had to get that out of my system.  Thanks.  <3

***Also, to clarify, I don’t think I’m better than anyone.  The opposite is actually true.  I can genuinely behave like a bad person, and I know that most people are NOT bad people.  Why do they act like they are?  That’s all I’m getting at.***

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Filed under Life, Writing

Brief Update

We’re pretty completely settled into the new place, though I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘comfortably.’  We spent our first two days without gas or electricity.  People in the middle ages at least had the convenience of FIRE.  It was mind-numbing.

But then we got gas and electricity turned on.  Peachy.

Our water heater is broken.  I took a bath in a pot of hot water.  And yes, I realize that it could be worse, but I’m still disgruntled, so I shall continue to bitch and complain until the cows come home.

No internet until Tuesday.  *sadface*

HOWEVER!  There is a coffeehouse within spitting distance from my front porch.  8D  Weird hours, but it’s non-profit and there’s free wi-fi, so I can get behind it.  =]

I’ll have a few posts ready from my time offline.  Including that one I promised about curse words and their handiness (or inappropriate… ness) in fiction writing.  And my vocabulary exploded and left me slightly retarded.  Bleh.

ALRIGHT.  Wish me luck in getting my water heater fixed!  And internet in a timely fashion… ugh.

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Filed under Life, Writing