I hate self-evaluation

“Once the Queen is dead, the king is useless.”

“… What’s that about?”

“I dunno… Maybe he’s too depressed to fight.  He really loved her, you know.”

Mm… chess references and movie quotes.

So, I’ve been flying through lessons at TFA.  I’m about to start Wicca 1, lesson 4.  I’m on Scrying 1, lesson 2 (I don’t put much into divination, but I figured it would round me out a little bit).  And I’m about to start Tools 1, lesson 2 (Which is easy, since I’ve been through it three times in other classes).

Lesson 3 of Wicca 1 was a little difficult for me to face, honestly.  It was a lesson in the elements and the Four Rooms.

Here’s a quick lesson in The Four Rooms:

You separate yourself into four parts, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  Each part has a ‘room’ associated with it (which seems a little unnecessary to me).

“Our existence is divided up into four areas, or four rooms, if you will. Imagine that you live in a big house with four rooms. Your house includes: 1) a large, green kitchen with a small garden off of the side; 2) a bright yellow living room with a large, private balcony, 3) a luxurious, blue bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub; and 4) a cozy, red bedroom with a fireplace (do not forget the king-sized bed). Each of the four elements corresponds with one of these rooms, and each of these rooms corresponds with a part of you.”

~ Firefly: Wiccan Advancement by Iris Firemoon

The kitchen is the physical and associated with Earth, the living room is the mental and associated with Air, the bathroom is emotional and associated with Water, and the bedroom is spiritual and associated with Fire.

The exercise was to divide yourself into these four “rooms” and give a brief evaluation of the state of yourself in each.

Physically, I’m out of shape, I eat like crap, and I sleep more than I should.

Mentally, my writing is getting done, so I guess that’s an upside.

Emotionally, I’m 25, single, and watching all of my friends get married and start families.  I feel like crap.  Blah.

Spiritually, I’m connecting with my religion again, my writing is getting done, but I’m still stuck in the ‘love myself before I can appropriately love others’ conundrum.

So… I really don’t know if this exercise was made to make the student feel like crap enough to recognize that change is necessary, or to just understand the material, but holy fucking downer, Batman.

But.  This is nothing an over-consumption of caffeine won’t temporarily fix.



Filed under Life, Paganism

14 responses to “I hate self-evaluation

  1. Erin M

    Gah, self-reflection/self-evaluation can be so depressing. =[

    But, as you said, it’s an important step towards realizing that change is necessary.

    . . . But then change is hard. *sigh*

    Good luck, and I hope you’re mostly enjoying the lessons!

  2. Fascinating! One of my best friends from college is a Pagan, but she never talked about taking classes for it. That’s pretty cool.

    And I don’t like self-evaluation either. I’m not sure that anyone really does.

    • I took three levels of classes in person several years ago, and have been studying independently for a long time. Sometimes it’s easier to learn when there’s a structured curriculum, if that makes sense.

      If she’s interested, the classes at TFA are free, and they have a physical location in DC (if she’s close to there, that would matter).


      It’s a great resource.

  3. haha. You’re hilarious. I’m so with you. My friends are married, or practically married, they all have real (read: boring) jobs that they’ll be at the rest of their lives and none of them quite understand why I can’t get my life together. They’re all grown ups. Bleh. Maybe that’s why i started a blog and I’m trying to reach out to my fellow artists in the blogosphere. By the way, this wicca thing is very interesting. Thanks for sharing! :)

    • Ollin! I don’t want to grow up! I’m going to cling to my youth as long as possible… and throw in the occasional tantrum for good measure. I think that we should chase down the Frankenstein monster named “Quarter Life Crisis” and… I don’t know, burn it or something. Point being, I vote we should resist the norm!

      Wicca is good times, and definitely not as weird and creepy as some people make it out to be. =P We’re mostly normal people.

  4. Lua

    I’ve never heard about the “rooms” exercise before… But here goes; Physically, I eat like crap, I exercise excessively and never get enough sleep because sleeping just makes me feel guilty… I’m 24 and single (and with no hope if I may add) and my friends are also getting married… Personally, I’d rather spend my times with my characters and my dogs than spending it with the guys I’ve recently met!
    Mentally, I’m ok as long as I’m writing but I do feel the “monster named “Quarter Life Crisis” breathing down my neck…
    Yeah, I can see you point about this exercise…
    But. Like you said. There is nothing an over-consumption of caffeine won’t temporarily fix. :)

  5. Hmm. See, this stuff is really interesting. I have the link to Firefly Academy in my favorites, and I think I’ll dedicate some of my summer to learning about some stuff before I decide to start.

    ANYWAY, self-evaluation seems to inevitably make everyone feel like crap. It’s really hard to remember how good things are, or to appreciate the little things [like loads of caffeine for instance!] when you do an overall examination of your life. BUT, as you pointed out, some things are going well, and anyway, in my opinion, 25 is way too early to marry… So good for you for NOT doing so, in my book! If I had a book, that is :P.

    • I think the next set of classes start in June anyway. If you want to chat about it any time, you can feel free to email me. katiemacconnell [at] gmail [dot] com.

      And I agree that 25 is too early to marry, but it still gets to me on a deeper level. Maybe that “I’m a chick and I should be making babies” thing or something. Even though I know kids would be a bad idea, and I don’t think I could stand someone long enough to marry them. XD But seriously… no, I guess that was pretty serious. =P

      Btw… Write a book. XD Then you’d have one. And we could read it.

      • Ooh! June sounds perfect!

        Woah! No making babies until you WANT to make babies. Come on, don’t let centuries of gender-conditioning and millenia of biology get to you! Okay, maybe that wasn’t completely encouraging but you know what I mean!

      • XD Kids are messy, gross, and expensive. I’m definitely not ready yet, if ever. Gender-conditioning and biology are over-rated. I’ll reproduce asexually and have my offspring call me daddy. I think that’s rebellious enough. =P

  6. Megan

    Those classes sound really interesting.

    I know what you mean about everyone around you getting married. One of my neices is getting married next month. The other has just had her second baby. In my mind, they’re still babies themselves.
    But then I start to wonder what they must think about how I’ve chosen to live my life and it all gets a little confusing/scary and I shove it back under the nearest rock

    • Craziness! My little sister’s got a 6 month old son now, and THAT weirds me out. Though he is the cutest bratface ever. Mostly because when he poops or throws up, I can give him back to her, and still get drooly kisses when he’s clean. XD

      I wouldn’t worry about how other see your lifestyle. If you’re satisfied with the way you are and the choices you’ve made, that’s all that counts. In the end, people can say and think what they want, but YOU’RE still the one living YOUR life, and you have a right to be happy about how you live it. Life is both too short and too long to live it miserably. <3

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